Coming to Terms with Growing Up

Not to start off this blog post too morbidly… but I sincerely thought I wouldn’t live to see my 16th birthday (I will get more into mental health in my next blog, I’ve decided). I had no interest in doing what I saw my mom and dad struggle with when I was younger- divorce, falling in and out of love, paying bills, working hard hours every single day without much of a break, you get the gist.

Growing up never seemed like my forte, especially while I was going through middle and high school. I was bullied relentlessly by people who I thought were my friends. That being said, I didn’t (and still don’t) know how to defend myself. I would let people say harsh, untrue and downright awful things about me because I was more afraid of losing friends than losing myself. If I could go back and do it again, I wouldn’t have let 16-year-old Alisa lose herself nearly as much as she did.

Four years ago, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do and who I wanted to be. Taking a liking to my psychology teacher in my senior year of high school, I decided I was going to be a psych major once I got to college. To this day, I hear his voice ringing in my head, “Don’t go to school for it, you’ll never get a job and quite frankly, you won’t like it.” Mr. Scholl, you were right- I hated it.

Now that I’m 21, I feel like I should have a grip on things that parents and adults of all kinds put pressure on. For example, my mother and I just got into an argument about me not having a 40 hour a week desk job lined up after graduation. What about the fact that I even made it into college to get said desk job she wants me to have so badly? What about me lasting all four years without dropping out, even though every fiber of my being wanted to? What about me working my ass off to not fail all of my classes, despite me not being able to get out of bed some mornings? Apparently, my efforts to maintain a social life, good grades, financial stability and mental clarity were not paying off.

Even though my efforts are not good enough for my mom, they sure are good enough for me. I changed my major from psychology to marketing to public relations and am finally happy in the field I am majoring in. Along with my major, I am receiving my certification in event planning. I went out of my comfort zone and joined a sorority where I found some of my best friends who would never intentionally bully me or belittle me like my old ones did (shoutout to Jenna, you’re still one of the good ones). Most importantly, I accepted an internship with one of the most impressive women in Philadelphia, accepted a job offer at a high-end restaurant in Center City AND am touring places for my first big girl apartment with one of my favorite people. I have officially grown up.

I am learning how to get better, stronger and healthier in every aspect of my life. Growing up comes with a lot of responsibilities- from learning how to love yourself to trying to figure out how to make something that isn’t instant mac and cheese. It’s realizing when toxic situations in your life are outlived, and that it’s time to finally get rid of those jeans that are way too small for you now. It’s looking in the mirror and seeing your first gray hair, and quickly remembering that you don’t have money to get your hair dyed. It’s picking yourself up and socializing when that’s the last thing you want to be doing.

Well, here’s to growing up. I guess this is just to say that things will get better, high school will end and you will have a successful future. I can’t wait to document the next few months of my life, there are going to be some big changes ahead.

Love always,

A

P.S. enjoy this picture of baby me, probably looking at some sort of food.