Coming to Terms with Time

Time has a funny way of sneaking up on you. Just last night, talking to my friends at the bar, we took notice to the fact that it's already June. Half of the year has gone by when it feels like New Year's Eve was only two weeks ago. That's the thing about time, everything changes in the blink of an eye.

A few days ago, I got a text from my best friend asking if I heard what happened to a mutual friend. "What are you talking about?" I replied. It turns out that he died very suddenly, with absolutely no warning to anyone. How can someone be here one day and then gone the next? I guess it's time to realize that my relationships with anyone in my life can end without warning, and that's time fucking me over.

It's June, and everyone who's in the LGBTQ+ community is celebrating pride month. This time three years ago is when I started coming to terms with my sexuality, and the reason I started this blog in the first place. June first rolled around, and my friend posted a collaboration of pictures of everyone she is close with in the community. When I got a notification that I was mentioned in her story and saw a picture of us, I cried the happiest tears. Three years ago, I was afraid the people I had been friends with for my whole life would look at me differently because of who I loved. Most of them don't talk to me anymore. But, I now have the most supportive friends I could ask for. That's what happens in time, the friends you deserve will come to you.

Time makes you grow older, obviously. But not necessarily does it make you grow wiser or kinder. Listen to your gut- because nine times out of ten, your instincts won't lie. Choose to be the better person in every situation possible. You're not going to get anywhere being self-absorbed. Helping people helps yourself. Being ignorant to others feelings will do a lot more harm than good. Learning how to be selfless and aware takes time. I myself am still working towards it every day. Maybe it will take months, even years. I have come to find that they are the most important traits to have.

The saying "time flies when you're having fun" is accurate. Don't fill your days with things that make you unhappy because it pays the bills. I recently left a job that made me question my worth and my abilities. Now, I work at a job that I enjoy being at. I do more things I love like making playlists, watching YouTube videos, sitting on my stoop to people watch, going into Center City a few hours before my shift to get a smoothie and walk around, you get the gist. I spend time with a girl who makes me happier than I can even explain. I spend time with friends who make me laugh so hard that my face hurts.

Sometimes, the days move so slow I don't think they're ever going to end. But eventually the clock strikes an hour that's acceptable to slip into bed and not wake up until the morning. I have been getting better at making every day a better one than before. After all, I do have "the sun will rise and we will try again" tattooed on my arm. I guess it's time to start listening to something that's permanently etched into my body. 

I will never know how to deal with time. Time brings change, and most of the time I have a hard time adjusting. Everything is always timed. You have to finish college in four years, start your career directly after, find someone to marry, have kids, work the rest of your life and then do the same routine over and over until you die. Something about the stigma of college-to-career makes me cringe. Maybe it's because I am getting an internship after graduating instead of a 9-5 desk job. Maybe it's because the stigma makes people feel bad about their complications with not graduating on time or doing what their parents think they should be. I don't know, maybe one day I can finally conquer my issues with the clock on the wall. 

Talk to you next time.

Love always, 

A