Coming to Terms with Toxic Shock Syndrome
No, I am not talking about what happens when you leave a tampon in for too long. I'm talking about the feeling you get when it's days, weeks, even months after a relationship and you get hit with a shock through your body. You realize that you weren't treated right for so long that you don't know if you'll ever be able to be in a healthy relationship.
Over the past few weeks, I became very observant towards the relationships around me. What I found is that I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many toxic relationships I see on a day-to-day basis.
I've been dating since ninth grade. I have dated boys, girls and people who don't identify as either gender. One thing that has been a common denominator is the toxicity that happened in all of these relationships. The lack of trust, honesty and loyalty on both sides has been there. This leads me to think about why relationships these days are so toxic.
I'm no love expert, but the generation I am growing up in sees more unfaithful actions than faithful. Instead of flowers being brought to your door, there are text messages to exes being sent behind your back. Don't get me wrong, I have taken part in these acts as well. If you haven't, I thoroughly applaud you- you're one of the good ones.
Nowadays, more people are dating to get over a past fling than dating because they actually enjoy the person. (Almost) every girl I've dated has been either emotionally, physically or mentally unavailable. Honestly, I'm sure the girls I've dated can say the same about me.
Why do people stay in relationships they know they're not happy in? I used to do this, continuing to beat the dead horse that was my relationship. Let me tell you, the second you get a red flag- run. I personally avoided so many red flags in relationships just because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that it would get better, the person would change and everything would be fine for us to live happily ever after. At the end of the day, I have never been more wrong.
This is for everyone who is giving their all to someone who gives them barely anything in return. The people who love with all of their hearts even though their trust has been shattered since month one of dating. You don't have to stay in a toxic relationship because you think you won't be able to find anyone better. Truth is, you will. You're hindering yourself from finding the person that's going to make you the happiest you've ever been. Hell, that person could even be yourself. Just because you've spent so much time watering the garden, doesn't mean it will come back to life.
A few years ago, I saw a post on Tumblr that has stuck with me to this day. Two pamphlets read: loves me and loves me not.
The list of love-me-nots is as followed:
- is jealous and possessive
- tries to control me
- gets violent, loses temper quickly
- always blames me
- is sexually demanding
- keeps me from seeing my friends or family
- makes all the decisions
- embarrasses me in front of others
- hits me
- makes me cry
- makes me feel afraid
- is always "checking up" on me
- takes my money and other things
- threatens to leave me if I don't do what I'm told
- teases, bullies and puts me down
If your partners name came to mind reading any of those, it might be time to sit back and evaluate your current situation.
Love isn't spoiling your partner just to post a picture of it on social media. It isn't doing things just because you want other people to applaud you for being "such a good partner." Toxic relationships happen everywhere and are being overlooked because of these things. I can almost guarantee you a lot of your friends are in these situations and you're ignoring it. Time to speak up for yourself, your friends, your family, your coworkers, everyone.
Love always,
A
Over the past few weeks, I became very observant towards the relationships around me. What I found is that I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many toxic relationships I see on a day-to-day basis.
I've been dating since ninth grade. I have dated boys, girls and people who don't identify as either gender. One thing that has been a common denominator is the toxicity that happened in all of these relationships. The lack of trust, honesty and loyalty on both sides has been there. This leads me to think about why relationships these days are so toxic.
I'm no love expert, but the generation I am growing up in sees more unfaithful actions than faithful. Instead of flowers being brought to your door, there are text messages to exes being sent behind your back. Don't get me wrong, I have taken part in these acts as well. If you haven't, I thoroughly applaud you- you're one of the good ones.
Nowadays, more people are dating to get over a past fling than dating because they actually enjoy the person. (Almost) every girl I've dated has been either emotionally, physically or mentally unavailable. Honestly, I'm sure the girls I've dated can say the same about me.
Why do people stay in relationships they know they're not happy in? I used to do this, continuing to beat the dead horse that was my relationship. Let me tell you, the second you get a red flag- run. I personally avoided so many red flags in relationships just because I thought it was the right thing to do. I thought that it would get better, the person would change and everything would be fine for us to live happily ever after. At the end of the day, I have never been more wrong.
This is for everyone who is giving their all to someone who gives them barely anything in return. The people who love with all of their hearts even though their trust has been shattered since month one of dating. You don't have to stay in a toxic relationship because you think you won't be able to find anyone better. Truth is, you will. You're hindering yourself from finding the person that's going to make you the happiest you've ever been. Hell, that person could even be yourself. Just because you've spent so much time watering the garden, doesn't mean it will come back to life.
A few years ago, I saw a post on Tumblr that has stuck with me to this day. Two pamphlets read: loves me and loves me not.
The list of love-me-nots is as followed:
- is jealous and possessive
- tries to control me
- gets violent, loses temper quickly
- always blames me
- is sexually demanding
- keeps me from seeing my friends or family
- makes all the decisions
- embarrasses me in front of others
- hits me
- makes me cry
- makes me feel afraid
- is always "checking up" on me
- takes my money and other things
- threatens to leave me if I don't do what I'm told
- teases, bullies and puts me down
If your partners name came to mind reading any of those, it might be time to sit back and evaluate your current situation.
Love isn't spoiling your partner just to post a picture of it on social media. It isn't doing things just because you want other people to applaud you for being "such a good partner." Toxic relationships happen everywhere and are being overlooked because of these things. I can almost guarantee you a lot of your friends are in these situations and you're ignoring it. Time to speak up for yourself, your friends, your family, your coworkers, everyone.
Love always,
A
Comments
Post a Comment