Coming to Terms with Being Under Pressure
I'm not sure if it's the full moon that just passed or the retrogrades that just ended but something in my sea isn't sailing correctly. A few weeks ago, I finished my last class as a college undergrad. I graduated, barely getting by if I'm being honest. But, now I have a degree in something I'm not sure if I'm passionate about. I'm trying to make it work the best I can, but there's an aggravating pit in my stomach that's telling me I'm not as happy as I could be. I feel unfulfilled.
I haven't found the time to write lately. Okay, that's a lie. I have all the time in the world to write, but nothing is inspiring me enough to sit down and type about it. I really didn't want this blog post to turn into one of those "life behind social media isn't always as good as it seems," but let me tell you- ya girl is struggling right now. Comparison is something I've always had an issue with.
Why can't I be 120 pounds like that fitness model on Instagram like I used to be?
What's stopping me from getting a cool job at Urban Outfitters like the girl who posts about it on Facebook?
Why can't I be back in college like all of my friends, just to get away from the pressure of being an adult?
I realized, that's it. The pressure from family and society to have your shit together the second you graduate from college. The very next day after you throw your cap in the air, you should be sitting in a cubicle with a lame pantsuit, engaging in polite conversation with your coworker Janice about her kids recent win in his soccer game. Even months before I graduated, I was getting hounded with questions about my post-grad plans and why I accepted an unpaid internship when I need to be getting paid to keep up with rent, cost of living, etc.
I'm 22 as of 10 days ago. Almost all of my friends are still in college. I want to see them, but there's also a weird pressure to not go back to college parties when you're out of school. I should be going to bars in Center City, spending time with people who can't stay out too late on weekdays because they have work the next day.
The feeling of emptiness in my heart is palpable. For those who follow me on social media, I promise I'm not doing as good as I seem. I should say that more often, as should other people. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a race with the people I follow on Instagram. Most of the time, I feel like I'm losing. At the end of the day, no one is really killing it as much as they make it out to be on Instagram. Now everyone say it with me, The people you follow on social media do have bad days too. When my lovely mental illness acts up and I can't get out of bed, I scroll on every app there is because I'm bored. Then, I end up making myself miserable because all of my friends are together and either a) didn't invite me or b) I couldn't get myself out of bed. Social media makes it nearly impossible to enjoy the good days and mourn the bad ones.
For everyone who's feeling like they're in a rut right now, me too. The strong friend you think you have is probably also fighting with something they don't think they can talk about. Check up on your people, make sure that if they are feeling lost and alone, to let them know that they're not and you're right there next to them. I say this because I wish more people would do that for me. So, here's to the people who are dealing with similar feelings right now- everything you deserve is coming, be patient.
Love always,
A
I haven't found the time to write lately. Okay, that's a lie. I have all the time in the world to write, but nothing is inspiring me enough to sit down and type about it. I really didn't want this blog post to turn into one of those "life behind social media isn't always as good as it seems," but let me tell you- ya girl is struggling right now. Comparison is something I've always had an issue with.
Why can't I be 120 pounds like that fitness model on Instagram like I used to be?
What's stopping me from getting a cool job at Urban Outfitters like the girl who posts about it on Facebook?
Why can't I be back in college like all of my friends, just to get away from the pressure of being an adult?
I realized, that's it. The pressure from family and society to have your shit together the second you graduate from college. The very next day after you throw your cap in the air, you should be sitting in a cubicle with a lame pantsuit, engaging in polite conversation with your coworker Janice about her kids recent win in his soccer game. Even months before I graduated, I was getting hounded with questions about my post-grad plans and why I accepted an unpaid internship when I need to be getting paid to keep up with rent, cost of living, etc.
I'm 22 as of 10 days ago. Almost all of my friends are still in college. I want to see them, but there's also a weird pressure to not go back to college parties when you're out of school. I should be going to bars in Center City, spending time with people who can't stay out too late on weekdays because they have work the next day.
The feeling of emptiness in my heart is palpable. For those who follow me on social media, I promise I'm not doing as good as I seem. I should say that more often, as should other people. Sometimes, I feel like I'm in a race with the people I follow on Instagram. Most of the time, I feel like I'm losing. At the end of the day, no one is really killing it as much as they make it out to be on Instagram. Now everyone say it with me, The people you follow on social media do have bad days too. When my lovely mental illness acts up and I can't get out of bed, I scroll on every app there is because I'm bored. Then, I end up making myself miserable because all of my friends are together and either a) didn't invite me or b) I couldn't get myself out of bed. Social media makes it nearly impossible to enjoy the good days and mourn the bad ones.
For everyone who's feeling like they're in a rut right now, me too. The strong friend you think you have is probably also fighting with something they don't think they can talk about. Check up on your people, make sure that if they are feeling lost and alone, to let them know that they're not and you're right there next to them. I say this because I wish more people would do that for me. So, here's to the people who are dealing with similar feelings right now- everything you deserve is coming, be patient.
Love always,
A
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