Coming to Terms with Unemployment When Everyone Else Seems Like They Have Their Sh*t Together

About a month and a half ago, I got fired. I never thought I'd say that out loud before, but it happened. I was fired from my full time job at the front desk of a hotel. I was fired by a manager that had come in two months prior to the firing and didn't get to see my progress from when I first started. I was fired for reasons that if they were the standards for everyone, the whole front desk staff would be out of work. I've tried to wrap my brain around it so many times - why I got fired when I had signed up the most members, had great guest surveys, and generated the most revenue out of all of my other colleagues. Thankfully, I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never get an answer - and that's okay.

I spent this past month and a half moping around like a sad, pathetic human. My weight has fluctuated, my stress acne has gotten out of control and my mental health has taken a big hit. I've applied to so many jobs with either no response or a kind "Thank you for your application but we decided to move forward with candidates more suitable for the position." I've looked for office jobs, public relations jobs, event coordinator jobs, basically anything within the realm of my degree. But, it's not even the rejection emails that keep me up at night. It's the ridiculous notion that you have to have your life together as soon as you get out of college. 

My parents are both in health care, so it's not too surprising that they started their careers as soon as they walked across the stage at their doctorate and masters graduations. Them being in the career field they are, they don't quite understand the whole "working up the ladder of your career path" thing. So, when I took the job at the front desk of a hotel, they were both questioning what that was going to do for me. I think in their eyes, I had wasted four years and thousands of dollars just to get fired. I get endless questions about whether or not I found a new job yet like this is exactly how I want to spend my time, unemployed and eating all of the contents in my fridge.

The worst part of all of this? It's not my parents that I've been feeling the most pressure from in regards to being unemployed, it's the strangers that I'm following on Instagram that really got me. Since I have so much free time, I sit and scroll. Facebook? Everyone's getting engaged and starting at some company that gives them a 401K and health insurance. Instagram? "Happy to say I just started at Instagram in their fashion department!" Great, rub it in more. Snapchat? Videos of friends drinking IPA's while they're at their desks working on a digital campaign for a cool new start up.

I sprawl on my couch and think that I can't be the only person that doesn't have their sh*t together at age 22 and I most certainly can't be the only person who's ever gotten fired from a job that they were planning on quitting and still feeling like absolute trash about it. 

I just moved into a beautiful new apartment with my beautiful girlfriend in the heart of the Gayborhood. I have two great cats and an even greater group of friends. I have a roof over my head, I'm in good health and most days I am pretty frickin' happy. On the highlight reel of Instagram, I'm killing the game. But in real life? I'm just a 22 year old girl that's trying to find her next move so she can afford rent. So that makes me think - is everyone going through just as weird of a time as I am? Is everyone truly as happy as they make it seem for their followers?

BUT, on a lighter note and with all of this being said, I have spent a lot of time self-reflecting. The past few weeks I have put my literal blood, sweat and tears into making my apartment the space I want (and need) it to be. Through drilling lots of holes that I'll have to spackle over when we leave, putting together about 10 new pieces of furniture, arguing over who gets the bigger closet and where things go in the kitchen, I found what I want to do for the rest of my life. I have always loved interior design, and (not to toot my own horn) am pretty darn good at it. I am in the process of going back to school to get my certification in interior design and applying for interior design assistant jobs. I have absolutely no idea where this is going to take me, but I have the best support system and care a girl can ask for. 

So, do I have my sh*t together? No, not in the slightest. But, getting fired from my job was probably the best thing to happen to me. Having the time to self-reflect and recharge was better than any time spent working at a job that didn't make me 120% happy. This just kinda serves as a reminder to not let Instagram influence my self worth. It's okay to have a barista job at age 22, it's also okay to be the CEO of a company at age 22. Happiness truly cannot be dependent on the highlight reels of others, and that is something that I am coming to terms with.

Love always,

A

(PS: This is also a preview of my APARTMENT TOUR that I've been putting off for weeks now!!!! Stay tuned and hire me to decorate your apartment thanks <3)